Monday, December 29, 2008

...and so it goes

I don't have anywords that seem appropriate


except that I love you Bryan Lemasters
and I will miss you for the rest of my days



Rest In Peace. If there is anyone in this world who deserves that, it's you.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Cleaning out the Ipod

bands that are getting the axe:
(i'm running out of room!!)
Coheed and Cambria
Engine Down
Further Seems Forever
H20 (i only had one song anyway and it sucked)
Hot Water Music
Most of my Incubus collection
James Blunt
Jem
Jets To Brazil
The Juliana Theory
Kane Hodder
Keane (except for that one single)
The Juno soundtrack (barrrfffff)
The Living End
Lorene Drive
Eisley
The Movielife
Nightmare Of You
No Motiv
Noise Ratchet
The Number 12 Looks Like you
One Time Angel
The Orangeburg Massacre (PEACE BITCH)
Over My Dead Body
Paul Schneider
The Rocket Summer
Senses Fail
Showbread
Snow Patrol
The Spill Canvas
Still Remains
The Stills
Stretch Armstrong
This Holiday Life
Thrice


I need new music now!








Wednesday, December 17, 2008

oh yes...

i would much rather be alone completly then keep people in my life who don't deserve to be there.

so if you want to stay in my life, don't act as if you don't deserve it.


get it?

Friday, November 28, 2008

ummmmm

Twilight sucked


seriously... wtf people!!



bbhp
(bring back harry potter)
:(


**end nerd rant**



I'm not in a good mood today. People kind of piss me off today.

i need sleep

Thursday, November 20, 2008

It's been a while since i've blogged. i suppose it is time to do so.

It's been an interesting week. To say the least. Last Friday an important person in my life shared with me a huge event going on in theirs. One that involved a big decision. I was there for this person unconditionally and I am glad they felt they could trust me enough to use me as a support system. It definitely made me think about my life, where i am at and what i would do in that situation.
just speculating about it makes me uncomfortable even know.
i'm not sure how she did it.


There are a lot of other things that have happened this past week.. hell this past DAY but I am exhausted and honestly... i feel as if they are not even worth mentioning.


just a little note for today i guess.

<3


Monday, November 3, 2008


I hope California does the right thing this time around.


no on 8.
yes on equality.




Monday, October 20, 2008

I do not know where I have been for the past 20 mintues.. but it hasn't been in this reality.


god, i love how music can just take you away when you're least expecting it.


how the perfect mix of songs on a playlist set to random can just take over your every thought and emotion. take you to a place where you think of nothing, where you feel nothing, where you just exist.

where you just breathe the song around you.

ha. i swear i am not on drugs.


this is why i kill myself doing what i do.


Starlight-Muse
On Call- Kings of Leon
Viva La Vida - Coldplay
Brother- Annuals
First Breath After a Coma - Explosions in the Sky

try your luck. see what it will do for you

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

my skin is not my friend right now



ughh


that is all

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Hello,

my name is Christina Marie Johnson and i just wanted to say that it feels good to be myself again.

i am finally getting feeling back. i've been damn near numb for a little over a year now.


and it FEELS good.


for those of you who have noticed a change, i'm coming back. rejoice.
for those of you who haven't... well.. then you have nothing to loose right?

right.

hello self esteem. it's nice to see you again.


it's time for things to change around here.


and when i say i am coming back
i mean i am coming B-A-C-K

in every sense of the word.


think about it


get on board or get out of my way.
treat me with respect and love or don't treat me at all.

game on.

- c




Monday, September 8, 2008

NOTE TO SELF

someone always has it worse than you
people are always going to come after you in one way or another. they only have power over you if you give it to them
the innocence of youth isn't too far away.
happiness isn't a lost cause, it isn't ignorant.
it's deserved.
keep working until you turn it around.
that's the only option.
influence others with a positive attitude.
all you can do is your best. even if you mess up. all you can do is your best.
if he doesn't want you after that you can't beat yourself up over it.
there is nothing wrong with taking a page out of your own history book and be a little more happy-go-lucky.
like when you were young.
like when you were 18.
like when you were 22.
let things go. negativity is not worth hanging onto.
KEEP WORKING UNTIL YOU TURN IT AROUND.
ALL YOU CAN DO IS YOUR BEST.

remember that.

sincerely,
Christina


Thursday, August 28, 2008

A better son/daughter

Sometimes in the morning i am petrified and can't move
Awake but cannot open my eyes
And the weight is crushing down on my lungs i know i can't breath
And hope someone will help me this time
Your mother's still calling you insane and high
Swearing it's different this time
And you tell her to give in to the demons that possess her
And that God never blessed her insides
Then you hang up the phone and feel badly for upsetting things
And crawl back into bed to dream of a time
When your heart was open wide and you loved things just because
Like the sick and the dying

And sometimes when you're on you're really fucking on
And your friends they sing along and they love you
But the lows are so extreme that the good seems fucking cheap
And it teases you for weeks in its absence
But you'll fight and you'll make it through
You'll fake it if you have to
And you'll show up for work with a smile
And you'll be be better and you'll be smarter
More grown up and a better daughter
Or son and a real good friend
And you'll be awake and you'll be alert
You'll be positive though it hurts
And you'll laugh and embrace all your friends
And you'll be a real good listener
You'll be honest you'll be brave
You'll be handsome you'll be beautiful
You'll be happy

Your ship may be coming in
You're weak but not giving in
To the cries and the wails of the valley below
Your ship may be coming in
You're weak but not giving in
And you'll fight it you'll go out fighting all of them...




every cloud has a silver lining... even if it's hard to see. i really need to remember that.

weak but not giving in.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

he doesn't look a thing like jesus

but he talks like a gentlemen... like you imagined him
The Killers... Sam's Town specifically reminds me of when I lived in LA. I'm not sure that CD ever left my car. EVER.



seriously... I have had cobra starship stuck in my head since last wednesday.. a week ago actually! AHHHH!!! It's too catchy!



We did the whole warped tour thing a few times last week. I suppose this is the part where I brag about being backstage. Well that was me bragging. It's really not that cool. haha
Anyway... It was a neat experience over all. Sig and I spent a lot of time thinking about marketing strategies and figuring out what it would take to get on the tour next year. It is an awesome feeling to realize that something that used to seem way too big and scary is suddenly obtainable. If not by next year... the year after.


I've been working my ass off lately and getting a lot done. I might not be showing amazing, impressive results to the rest of the world yet, but that's ok. I chose to start something new and do it myself instead of trying to align myself with someone else. It's a lot of hard work with little result right now, but it will all pay off soon.

not to mention, creating something yourself feels great too.
well i can't really say "myself"... Nick and Troy are a huge part of my motivation and drive. So is Sig believe it or not haha.


I went to bed the other night with an overwhelming feeling of contentment. I came home late on Sunday night from seeing Portugal and visiting Ashley and Mike was already asleep. I just laid in bed for a minute and thought of how my life could have been if I didn't make the choice
I did..... and how happy I was that my life is what it is. I just laid there for a while and enjoyed the feeling of peace. I know it doesn't last long... I KNEW it wouldn't... but it was nice while it was there.

School starts on Monday. Yes I'm going back. Working on my business degree so at least it will be somewhat useful. HA. It's free. Might as well.

The weather in Sacramento has been beautiful the past fe
w days. It reminds me of fall. I love fall. It is easily my favorite season. It makes me feel creative. I've also been designing again. Random, I know... but it's nice to be at least a little bit artistic once in a while.


Ok. I'm going to eat breakfast now. Thanks for reading .

-Christina


i love this city.






Monday, August 11, 2008

i really don't have much to say

we're re decorating our living room

i've been super busy

and i'm tired


OH and Mike and I went to vegas last week :)


no, we didn't get married haha


that is all.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

You belong with me, not swallowed in the sea




warning: random post ahead


I feel like life is getting away from me.
Like I need to run at full speed to catch up with it.

I guess I better start.




I just want the people I love to be happy no matter what. It really gets to me when they're not. I'm told that's a fault in my personality.



Saturday night felt very weird to me. I just felt uneasy and disgusting the whole time. The way some people were behaving just made me sick.
not to mention the overabundance of awkward moments.
I wonder if that's what the boardwalk is always like and I'm just never sober enough to realize it.


i need more money. They're giving me the runaround at work and won't train me on sales and I really need that extra cash. Ugh. So stressed.


We go to vegas in a little over a week. we can't afford it. ugh
again.
ugh.


i still need to finish unpacking... alone....
god forbid i get some help with that




anyway... i'm going to the gym since apparently i am "getting out of my prime and slightly overweight"

what a douche.





Saturday night was weird.

Friday, July 11, 2008

starlight

i'm listening to a song right now that originally reminded me of a different lifetime.
it's a weird feeling it provokes.. but a good weird i guess.


i remember driving down the 210 on my way to rancho cucamonga late fall of last year after balling my eyes out for hours in the rain. I finally got a little bit of sunlight a little east of the 605 and this song came on the radio.
at the time i was gearing up to move 400 miles away and start a new chapter in my life.
i was driving to try to save the only thing i thought mattered.

i was wrong but it feels good to be wrong.
don't misunderstand me... i regret none of it. i'm not sorry for anything that has happened

damn.
that feels amazing to be able to say that and to actually believe it.


my life has felt very full lately. full AND fulfilled.
I probably shouldn't jinx myself by saying that but I am.
I mean, things are not perfect by any means, but I am very content at where I am in life.
Or at least getting there.

oh!! and i'll be 24 on sunday... see ya later health and dental insurance.


this glasshouse is burning down. you light the match and i'll stick around...

i'm excited to prove everyone wrong :]



Ten Anonymous Things You Want To Say To Ten Different People:

1. I am so glad that we finally stopped letting other people hold our friendship back. You are amazing and inspiring and one of the few people I truly trust. You are my rock and I am so blessed to have you in my life.
2. You still just do not get it. You probably never will. Do not be blindsided by small amounts of success. I am done sticking my neck out for you and playing nice. I honestly need nothing from you and I probably never will. Good luck.
3. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you for seeing the good in me and waiting for it. You are so amazing and loving and ugh.. i could go on forever. I AM LUCKY and I don't care what anyone else has to say about it. I love you in ever since of the word.
4. I am so proud of everything you are becoming. You are an amazing person and I honestly hope you see and believe that.
5. The stardust will come off one day. I just hope you know I do care about you even if doesn't really matter now or then. I really honestly do hope you start to lead your own life soon instead of living through someone else. You deserve that.
6. Girl... Get your shit together. Granted, you're doing better... I just want to see you happy and HEALTHY. Christ.
7. Thanks for the good times. Thanks for the bad times. Thanks for helping me realize what i truly need from a partner. God.. I don't even want to anonymously write about you.. I just feel like it's required for some reason. Just know i feel free for the first time in a long time.
8. It's not my fault. It never was. You think no one else knows that. EVERYONE knows that. YOU ruined it. YOU killed it. Even though you won't take blame for it and will lie until your dying day... There is one person you will always have to answer to.
9. I lied for you and I've kept my mouth shut even when you didn't. I'm done being pushed around be grown ass men. I will succeed where you failed. And I know you'll watch from the sidelines the whole way.
10. HEY GET OVER IT ALREADY! Highschool was a long time ago.

Nine Things About Yourself:

1. I am determined and I really don't think people believe that
2. I really am becoming more and more content with my life
3. I'll never be a club rat
4. i have a very interesting view of religion
5. Loyalty and trust are the 2 things I value the most in any relationship.
6. I have no problem cutting ties when I need to.
7. I admire my mother more than anyone in this world.
8. I was adopted at birth
9. I have never broken a bone.

Eight Ways To Win My Heart:

1. prove to me that you are loyal
2. apparently determination is a huge one haha
3. support me emotionally.
4. don't be a doormat.
5. be willing to be adventurous and spontaneous with me
6. love music. or at least understand my love for it... nah you have to love it too.
7. let me know you care about me.
8. put up with my bitch side. that's hard haha

Seven Things That Cross Your Mind A lot:

1. career
2. the industry
3. music
4. money
5. how many ways can i say the same thing here? work
6. my physical appearance
7. the people in my life

Six Things You Wish You Never Did:

1. drink so much when i was younger and do stupid shit? Even though i never did anything THAT bad. I'm just trying to think of something to write. I really am one of those people who regret NOTHING. Everything happens for a reason. Good and bad.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.

Five Turn Offs:

1. Overly Sensitive
2. Doormats
3. drugs
4. no motivation
5. control freaks. I'm enough of that for 2 of us haha

Four Turn Ons:

1. loyalty
2. honesty
3. he's got JOKES! haha humor
4. supportive

Three Smileys That Describe Your Life:
:X
;)
:]

i have no clue


Two Things You Want To Do Before You Die:

1. reach my goals
2. settle down

One Confession:

1. I am terrified on a daily basis and constantly doubt myself but the people I surround myself with are enough to keep me going.



Tuesday, July 8, 2008

you better run for the hills

before they burn




heh, i guess its a little late for that.
i'm not sure what is going to happen if the air doesn't clear up soon. Considering it's going to be 110 today and the next couple of days in the greater sacramento area this week sure isn't going to help soon.

I guess California is burning to the ground. Punishment for our sins maybe?

sure.



i've been on a huge Brand New kick again. What's new right? haha.



I can't help feeling like the people who work in the music "industry" out here are trying to freeze me out. I guess people fear the great? Obviously. Either way, I'm tired of playing nice so peoples feelings are spared. I mean, I'm not going to go out of my way to fuck with someone, but I'm not going to hold back from doing what is the most beneficial to me and the people I work for. To date, no one has really held back for me even when they said they would.

i have a good team. i have a good jumping point.
that's what everyone is failing to realize.... i have other options besides promoting.


good luck.


and i know that you're a sucker for anything acoustic. when i say lets keep in touch i mean i wish that you'd grow up.


god. i really do love brand new. you know when you can listen to a cd over and over and over and enjoy it... but one day, you put it in your cd player after not listening to it for a while and it's like an entire new experience? a cd you've never heard before in a sense? that happened to me on sunday with Deja.

i love music.
it really is what fuels me.
it's an addiction.

i'll never be able to get away from it.




Tuesday, July 1, 2008

maybe one day

Saturday night was weird.
There were so many people there it was hard to have a conversation with anyone for longer than a couple of minutes. The line up was totally strange as well, but I wouldn't have changed it for the world.

Thanks to everyone for the love and support. I had no idea you guys cared that much until Andy thanked me. That act alone warmed my heart in a way I never would have expected.


I still would rather see her in the ground then in their hands any longer.

Don't mourn the end now.... You all should have mourned it at LEAST a year ago. Even longer than that.

That place has been dead for a while. They lost sight of what it used to be, what The Underground truly meant. I tried as hard as I could to keep that vision alive but there were too many forces working against me.

Never underestimate the power of church politics.


Soon it'll be nothing more than a passing memory. To most.

The Underground will always hold a place in my heart.
But, then again, it should.


Karma is a bitch.










This song will become the anthem of your underground.
You're two floors down getting high in the back room.
If I flooded out your house, do you think you'd make it out,
or would you burn up before the water filled your lungs?
And at your funeral I will sing the requiem.
I'd offer you my hand it would hurt too much to watch you die.
And you can bet when we mourn the death of you that night of you that night!
that they'll lay me on the dinner table and I will be the pig
with the apple in my mouth, the food that celebrates your end.
And at your funeral I will sing the requiem.
I'd offer you my hand, it would hurt too much to watch you die
and at your funeral I will sing the requiem
I'd offer you my hand, it would hurt too much to watch you die.


Wednesday, May 7, 2008

have you ever seen the light?


i wish i was creative enough to write.
like really write. not this bullshit blogging. poetry, music, something. it's insane how influenced by a song i am. i'll be doing something online and a song that i've heard a million times before will suddenly catch my attention and i'll just play it on repeate until i get my thoughts out.
i'm so weird.
or maybe not. who knows.

i'm in pasadena right now. i'm glad i've been able to see nicole but being in this town is getting under my skin, and i only got in yesterday.
now i'm counting days until i go back. if i'm here to long i think i would i have a mental and emotional break down.
god i am so glad i flew out on that thursday night. the further away the better.
when i'm in sacramento i hardly think about it, but here...
..but here.

well that's a different story.

this is his town.
not mine. i don't belong here.


i remember when i was so excited to be here, when getting away from sacramento was all i wanted.

or maybe i was just trying to run away from michael and the things he was making me feel.
either way, life has balanced it's self out, yet again.

i'm a completly different person than i was 3 weeks ago. thank god.

and the underground is shutting down. i'm excited. i'd rather see it in the ground than in their hands any longer.
and that presents exciting new things for me.
26 is too long. how about 24?
sounds good to me.
also scares the shit out of me.


ugh


i feel just out of sorts tonight.
it's going to sound super lame but this is the first time i haven't seen michael all day in a month. it's weird.

he really does make me happy.



And I'm sick of all my judges
They're so scared of letting me shine
But I know that I can make it
As long as somebody takes me home

Every now and then

Sunday, April 20, 2008

hey sacramento

don't be surprised if i'm back BEFORE the summer
i'm not sure i've ever been happier 

Thursday, April 17, 2008

I drank a thimble-full of fire

and i'm not ever coming back.

oh.
my.
god.


As of today, I have spent a solid week in Lincoln, living in a little hippie-esque colony.  It's been incredibly relaxing and, interestingly enough, i've been sober almost the entire time.  It's exactly what I needed to get my head back on straight. 

floating forgetfully along there is no need to be strong.
we keep our confessions long but when we pray we keep it short.

something about looking into the faces of the people who know me best, with tear-filled eyes, and having them say:
"i'm sorry christina, but i knew he wasn't the right one..."
and all the bad feelings just zipped away.
amazing.

it's crazy how one small event can make you realize you never really knew someone.
2 and half years... and you never really knew them.  somehow, even with that, it's still hard adjusting to not having them in your life.
but i'm better for it.

hopefully he will be one day to.

at least i was honest. at least i have that.
and remember.. you left me.
thank you for that.


i'm coming home sacramento.  and for the first time in my life, my pride is not getting in the way of that.  i've gotten more done here in a week than i have the entire time i've been in los angeles.
i moved for love, and i failed.  fate made my life in sacramento much more appealing at the perfect time.
who am i to argue with fate?
at least i'll never question what could have happened. 

damn. it's a good year to be 26.



i do not exist, we faithfully insist
sailing in our separate ships 
and from each tiny caravelle
tiring and trying there's unnecessary dying
like the horseshoe crab in its proper seasons sheds its shell
such distance from our friends
like a scratch across a lens,
made everything look wrong from anywhere we stood
and our paper blew away before we'd left the bay,
so half-blind we wrote these songs on sheets of salty wood

caught me making eyes at the other boatman's wives,
and heard me laughing louder at the jokes told by their daughters
i'd set my course for land,
but you well understand
it takes a steady hand to navigate adulterous waters
the propeller's spinning blades held acquaintance with the waves
as there's mistakes i've made no rowing could outrun
the cloth blowing on the mast like to say i've got no past
but i'm nonetheless the librarian and secretary's son
with tarnish on my brass and mildew on my glass,
i'd never want someone so crass as to want someone like me
but a few leagues off the shore, i bit a flashing lure
and i assure you, it was not what i expected it to be
i still taste its kiss, that dull hook in my lip
is a memory as useless as a rod without a reel
to an anchor ever-dropped, seasick yet still docked
captain spotted napping with his first mate at the wheel,
floating forgetfully along, with no need to be strong
we keep our confessions long and when we pray we keep it short

i drank a thimble full of fire and i'm not ever coming back.

oh my god.

i do not exist we faithfully insist
while watching sink the heavy ship of everything we knew


goodbye brandon.  goodbye forever. 

Monday, March 24, 2008

i won't always love these selfish things.

Sigur Ros
from ( )
Track 4


the song of the moment for me.


I did something drastic to try to get my head back on straight. I'm not sure it worked. I feel like I'm just fooling myself. If I keep telling myself that I want something enough maybe I'll start to believe it.

yeah maybe.

i'm lying through my teeth about anything that has to do with myself. anything that has to do with my feelings.
how can i have an answer to those questions when i don't even know?


i just hope i don't do something stupid before i'm back to feeling normal.


no matter how many hearts i break, i always break mine the most.



this weekend flipped my world upside down again. i never thought i would be betrayed by the person i was. looking back on it, i should have known better. Heeded my warnings.


you know what they say, hindsight is 20/20.

i should be used to this, i've been betrayed by so many of my friends i can't even keep track anymore. for some reason, it never gets easier.

don't ever question my trust issues ever again.

i guess this is goodbye.

goodbye
hello
and
i don't know.


story of my life.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

ok, i believe you

but my tommy gun don't.
i am heaven sent,
don't you dare forget.
i am all you've ever wanted,
what all the other boys all promised.
sorry i told. i just needed you to know.
i think in decimals and dollars.
i am the cause to all your problems,
shelter from cold. we are never alone.
coordinate brain and mouth.
then ask me whats it like to have
myself so figured out.
i wish i knew..

i hope this song starts a craze.
the kind of song that ignites the airwaves.
the kind of song that makes people glad
to be where they are,
with whoever they're there with.
this is war.
every line is about,
who i don't wanna write about anymore.
hope you come down with something
they can't diagnose, don't have the cure for.
holding on to your grudge.
oh its so hard to have someone to love.
and keeping quiet is hard.
cuz you cant keep a secret
if it never was a secret to start.
at least pretend you didn't wanna get caught..

we're concentrating on falling apart.
we were contenders, we're throwing the fight
but i just wanna believe, i just wanna believe,
i just wanna believe, in us.

Oh, we're so c-c-c-c-c-controversial.
we are entirely smooth.
we admit to the truth,
we are the best at what we do.
and these are the words you wish you wrote down.
this is the way you wish your voice sounds,
handsome and smart.
oh my tongue's the only muscle on my body
that works harder than my heart.
and its all from watching tv,
and from speeding up my breathing.
wouldnt stop if i could.
oh it hurts to be this good.
you're holding on to your grudge.
oh it hurts to always have to be honest
with the one that you love.
oh, so let it go..

this is the grace that only we can bestow.
this is the price you pay for loss of control.
this is the break in the bend,
this is the closest of calls.
this is the reason your alone,
this is the rise and the fall.




and this time.. it's not about a boy.

it's time for changes to happen.


this is war







Tuesday, February 12, 2008

they never said it would be easy

but it would be worth it



so... we have a place.. we've had one for a couple of weeks.
I have a job. I work for Parker West Interiors as an Administrative Assistant.
it pays well so that's cool.

Brandon and I are getting along great.


It seems like everything is falling into place. That makes me very nervous. It's not perfect here, there are a lot of things that are stressful but it's right.


it really truly is.
i think i finally found home.



ANYWAY.

Liz is coming to visit us this weekend. SO excited. We're gonna tear up the town! Trouble Tour 2008! haha Brandon's going to be staying the whole weekend too so it'll be a full house here... and we only have one bathroom... ohhhh boyyyy
I'm thinking, party friday night, Santa Monica/Beach saturday, Jeremy's show and more party saturday night, SLEEPING sunday haha

sounds great to me.

the weather here is BEAUTIFUL. Brandon and I went to Long Beach on Saturday and just walked forever. it was PERFECT. seriously. Then we built a fort in his living room. haha yeah. we're 5

well. that's all.
i leave you now with pictures.





Sunday, January 27, 2008

i said from the start

that you could take it or leave it


i'd prefer that you keep it














so we're here


still no home of our own but it's in the works (cross your fingers for us... we're dying for our own place)








i've been kinda sad. i miss home and a lot of people in it, but i can feel great things are coming from all of this.


i'm still randomly excited.


go figure, i confuse even myself.








Sig and Mike are coming to visit us soon. I'm pretty excited about that....





ok really excited. i love those guys.





the drive was long. it took us 9 hours to get here. between accidents on the freeway (and the 5 being shut down in stockton for an hour and a half), driving through rain, no visability over the grapevine and jackass drivers, i'm surprised we made it at all.








but it was nice to have some time to myself to just think. Yes I drove by myself, no it is not the first time.





and there were random moments of beauty too.



not going to lie..... it's been raining on and off since we got here. Although it is still in the 60's during the day.

i would still appreciate some solid sunshine.

we went on a picnic yesterday. it was fun.

i guess that's all.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

my anxiety is killing me

this sucks




i'm leaving for la in 5 days


i'm excited
and finally getting kind of scared




i think that's normal.... right?

Sunday, January 6, 2008

it's time to get out of the desert and into the sun, even if it's alone.

as tough as i try to be, i only have so long before i break down.
that break down happened between the hours of 3am and 6am last night
i have never been more afraid in my entire life
but i'm still moving.
even if its alone.

i don't ever remember feeling this way about anyone.

was loosing all my friends
was loosing them to drinking and to driving
was loosing all my friends, but i got them back

i am on the mend.
at least now i can say that i am trying
and i hope you will forget things i still lack.

yeah. yeah.

is it in you now,
to bear to hear the truth that you have spoken?
twisted up by knaves,
to make a trap for fools.

is it in you now,
to watch the things you gave your life to broken?
and stoop and build them up with warn out tools.

yeah. yeah.
yeah, yeah. (oh)
yeah.

nothing gets so bad,
a whisper from your father couldn't fix it.
your whisper's like a bridge, he's a river span.

take all that you have,
and turn it into something you were missing.
somebody threw that brick, shattered all your plans.

yeah. yeah.
yeah, yeah. (oh)
yeah.

time to get the seeds into the cold ground.
it takes a while to grow anything,
before it's coming to an end, yeah.

before your put my body in the cold ground,
take some time to warm it with your hand,
before it's coming to an end, yeah.

before it's coming to an end, yeah.
before it's coming to an end, yeah.

do you miss the blend,
colors she left in your black and white field?
do you feel condemned just by being there?

i am not your friend.
i am just a man who knows how to feel.

i am not your friend.
i'm not your lover.
i'm not your family.

yeah. yeah..
yeah, yeah. (oh.)
yeah.

time to get the seeds into the cold ground.
it takes a while to grow anything
before it's coming to an end now.



i will spend the rest of my days missing you.