Sunday, January 27, 2008

i said from the start

that you could take it or leave it


i'd prefer that you keep it














so we're here


still no home of our own but it's in the works (cross your fingers for us... we're dying for our own place)








i've been kinda sad. i miss home and a lot of people in it, but i can feel great things are coming from all of this.


i'm still randomly excited.


go figure, i confuse even myself.








Sig and Mike are coming to visit us soon. I'm pretty excited about that....





ok really excited. i love those guys.





the drive was long. it took us 9 hours to get here. between accidents on the freeway (and the 5 being shut down in stockton for an hour and a half), driving through rain, no visability over the grapevine and jackass drivers, i'm surprised we made it at all.








but it was nice to have some time to myself to just think. Yes I drove by myself, no it is not the first time.





and there were random moments of beauty too.



not going to lie..... it's been raining on and off since we got here. Although it is still in the 60's during the day.

i would still appreciate some solid sunshine.

we went on a picnic yesterday. it was fun.

i guess that's all.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

my anxiety is killing me

this sucks




i'm leaving for la in 5 days


i'm excited
and finally getting kind of scared




i think that's normal.... right?

Sunday, January 6, 2008

it's time to get out of the desert and into the sun, even if it's alone.

as tough as i try to be, i only have so long before i break down.
that break down happened between the hours of 3am and 6am last night
i have never been more afraid in my entire life
but i'm still moving.
even if its alone.

i don't ever remember feeling this way about anyone.

was loosing all my friends
was loosing them to drinking and to driving
was loosing all my friends, but i got them back

i am on the mend.
at least now i can say that i am trying
and i hope you will forget things i still lack.

yeah. yeah.

is it in you now,
to bear to hear the truth that you have spoken?
twisted up by knaves,
to make a trap for fools.

is it in you now,
to watch the things you gave your life to broken?
and stoop and build them up with warn out tools.

yeah. yeah.
yeah, yeah. (oh)
yeah.

nothing gets so bad,
a whisper from your father couldn't fix it.
your whisper's like a bridge, he's a river span.

take all that you have,
and turn it into something you were missing.
somebody threw that brick, shattered all your plans.

yeah. yeah.
yeah, yeah. (oh)
yeah.

time to get the seeds into the cold ground.
it takes a while to grow anything,
before it's coming to an end, yeah.

before your put my body in the cold ground,
take some time to warm it with your hand,
before it's coming to an end, yeah.

before it's coming to an end, yeah.
before it's coming to an end, yeah.

do you miss the blend,
colors she left in your black and white field?
do you feel condemned just by being there?

i am not your friend.
i am just a man who knows how to feel.

i am not your friend.
i'm not your lover.
i'm not your family.

yeah. yeah..
yeah, yeah. (oh.)
yeah.

time to get the seeds into the cold ground.
it takes a while to grow anything
before it's coming to an end now.



i will spend the rest of my days missing you.