Wednesday, May 7, 2008

have you ever seen the light?

i wish i was creative enough to write.
like really write. not this bullshit blogging. poetry, music, something. it's insane how influenced by a song i am. i'll be doing something online and a song that i've heard a million times before will suddenly catch my attention and i'll just play it on repeate until i get my thoughts out.
i'm so weird.
or maybe not. who knows.

i'm in pasadena right now. i'm glad i've been able to see nicole but being in this town is getting under my skin, and i only got in yesterday.
now i'm counting days until i go back. if i'm here to long i think i would i have a mental and emotional break down.
god i am so glad i flew out on that thursday night. the further away the better.
when i'm in sacramento i hardly think about it, but here...
..but here.

well that's a different story.

this is his town.
not mine. i don't belong here.

i remember when i was so excited to be here, when getting away from sacramento was all i wanted.

or maybe i was just trying to run away from michael and the things he was making me feel.
either way, life has balanced it's self out, yet again.

i'm a completly different person than i was 3 weeks ago. thank god.

and the underground is shutting down. i'm excited. i'd rather see it in the ground than in their hands any longer.
and that presents exciting new things for me.
26 is too long. how about 24?
sounds good to me.
also scares the shit out of me.


i feel just out of sorts tonight.
it's going to sound super lame but this is the first time i haven't seen michael all day in a month. it's weird.

he really does make me happy.

And I'm sick of all my judges
They're so scared of letting me shine
But I know that I can make it
As long as somebody takes me home

Every now and then