Hello,

my name is Christina Marie Johnson and i just wanted to say that it feels good to be myself again.

i am finally getting feeling back. i've been damn near numb for a little over a year now.


and it FEELS good.

for those of you who have noticed a change, i'm coming back. rejoice.
for those of you who haven't... well.. then you have nothing to loose right?

right.

hello self esteem. it's nice to see you again.


it's time for things to change around here.


and when i say i am coming back
i mean i am coming B-A-C-K

in every sense of the word.


think about it


get on board or get out of my way.
treat me with respect and love or don't treat me at all.

game on.

- c

NOTE TO SELF

someone always has it worse than you
people are always going to come after you in one way or another. they only have power over you if you give it to them
the innocence of youth isn't too far away.
happiness isn't a lost cause, it isn't ignorant.
it's deserved.
keep working until you turn it around.
that's the only option.
influence others with a positive attitude.
all you can do is your best. even if you mess up. all you can do is your best.
if he doesn't want you after that you can't beat yourself up over it.
there is nothing wrong with taking a page out of your own history book and be a little more happy-go-lucky.
like when you were young.
like when you were 18.
like when you were 22.
let things go. negativity is not worth hanging onto.
KEEP WORKING UNTIL YOU TURN IT AROUND.
ALL YOU CAN DO IS YOUR BEST.

remember that.

sincerely,
Christina

A better son/daughter

Sometimes in the morning i am petrified and can't move
Awake but cannot open my eyes
And the weight is crushing down on my lungs i know i can't breath
And hope someone will help me this time
Your mother's still calling you insane and high
Swearing it's different this time
And you tell her to give in to the demons that possess her
And that God never blessed her insides
Then you hang up the phone and feel badly for upsetting things
And crawl back into bed to dream of a time
When your heart was open wide and you loved things just because
Like the sick and the dying

And sometimes when you're on you're really fucking on
And your friends they sing along and they love you
But the lows are so extreme that the good seems fucking cheap
And it teases you for weeks in its absence
But you'll fight and you'll make it through
You'll fake it if you have to
And you'll show up for work with a smile
And you'll be be better and you'll be smarter
More grown up and a better daughter
Or son and a real good friend
And you'll be awake and you'll be alert
You'll be positive though it hurts
And you'll laugh and embrace all your friends
And you'll be a real good listener
You'll be honest you'll be brave
You'll be handsome you'll be beautiful
You'll be happy

Your ship may be coming in
You're weak but not giving in
To the cries and the wails of the valley below
Your ship may be coming in
You're weak but not giving in
And you'll fight it you'll go out fighting all of them...




every cloud has a silver lining... even if it's hard to see. i really need to remember that.
weak but not giving in.

:)

he doesn't look a thing like jesus

but he talks like a gentlemen... like you imagined him
The Killers... Sam's Town specifically reminds me of when I lived in LA. I'm not sure that CD ever left my car. EVER.


seriously... I have had cobra starship stuck in my head since last wednesday.. a week ago actually! AHHHH!!! It's too catchy!


We did the whole warped tour thing a few times last week. I suppose this is the part where I brag about being backstage. Well that was me bragging. It's really not that cool. haha
Anyway... It was a neat experience over all. Sig and I spent a lot of time thinking about marketing strategies and figuring out what it would take to get on the tour next year. It is an awesome feeling to realize that something that used to seem way too big and scary is suddenly obtainable. If not by next year... the year after.


I've been working my ass off lately and getting a lot done. I might not be showing amazing, impressive results to the rest of the world yet, but that's ok. I chose to start something new and do it myself instead of trying to align myself with someone else. It's a lot of hard work with little result right now, but it will all pay off soon.

not to mention, creating something yourself feels great too.
well i can't really say "myself"... Nick and Troy are a huge part of my motivation and drive. So is Sig believe it or not haha.


I went to bed the other night with an overwhelming feeling of contentment. I came home late on Sunday night from seeing Portugal and visiting Ashley and Mike was already asleep. I just laid in bed for a minute and thought of how my life could have been if I didn't make the choice I did..... and how happy I was that my life is what it is. I just laid there for a while and enjoyed the feeling of peace. I know it doesn't last long... I KNEW it wouldn't... but it was nice while it was there.

School starts on Monday. Yes I'm going back. Working on my business degree so at least it will be somewhat useful. HA. It's free. Might as well.

The weather in Sacramento has been beautiful the past few days. It reminds me of fall. I love fall. It is easily my favorite season. It makes me feel creative. I've also been designing again. Random, I know... but it's nice to be at least a little bit artistic once in a while.


Ok. I'm going to eat breakfast now. Thanks for reading .

-Christina


i love this city.

i really don't have much to say

we're re decorating our living room

i've been super busy

and i'm tired


OH and Mike and I went to vegas last week :)


no, we didn't get married haha


that is all.

You belong with me, not swallowed in the sea

warning: random post ahead


I feel like life is getting away from me.
Like I need to run at full speed to catch up with it.

I guess I better start.




I just want the people I love to be happy no matter what. It really gets to me when they're not. I'm told that's a fault in my personality.



Saturday night felt very weird to me. I just felt uneasy and disgusting the whole time. The way some people were behaving just made me sick.
not to mention the overabundance of awkward moments.
I wonder if that's what the boardwalk is always like and I'm just never sober enough to realize it.


i need more money. They're giving me the runaround at work and won't train me on sales and I really need that extra cash. Ugh. So stressed.


We go to vegas in a little over a week. we can't afford it. ugh
again.
ugh.


i still need to finish unpacking... alone....
god forbid i get some help with that




anyway... i'm going to the gym since apparently i am "getting out of my prime and slightly overweight"

what a douche.





Saturday night was weird.