ok, i believe you

but my tommy gun don't.
i am heaven sent,
don't you dare forget.
i am all you've ever wanted,
what all the other boys all promised.
sorry i told. i just needed you to know.
i think in decimals and dollars.
i am the cause to all your problems,
shelter from cold. we are never alone.
coordinate brain and mouth.
then ask me whats it like to have
myself so figured out.
i wish i knew..

i hope this song starts a craze.
the kind of song that ignites the airwaves.
the kind of song that makes people glad
to be where they are,
with whoever they're there with.
this is war.
every line is about,
who i don't wanna write about anymore.
hope you come down with something
they can't diagnose, don't have the cure for.
holding on to your grudge.
oh its so hard to have someone to love.
and keeping quiet is hard.
cuz you cant keep a secret
if it never was a secret to start.
at least pretend you didn't wanna get caught..

we're concentrating on falling apart.
we were contenders, we're throwing the fight
but i just wanna believe, i just wanna believe,
i just wanna believe, in us.

Oh, we're so c-c-c-c-c-controversial.
we are entirely smooth.
we admit to the truth,
we are the best at what we do.
and these are the words you wish you wrote down.
this is the way you wish your voice sounds,
handsome and smart.
oh my tongue's the only muscle on my body
that works harder than my heart.
and its all from watching tv,
and from speeding up my breathing.
wouldnt stop if i could.
oh it hurts to be this good.
you're holding on to your grudge.
oh it hurts to always have to be honest
with the one that you love.
oh, so let it go..

this is the grace that only we can bestow.
this is the price you pay for loss of control.
this is the break in the bend,
this is the closest of calls.
this is the reason your alone,
this is the rise and the fall.

and this time.. it's not about a boy.

it's time for changes to happen.


this is war

they never said it would be easy

but it would be worth it



so... we have a place.. we've had one for a couple of weeks.
I have a job. I work for Parker West Interiors as an Administrative Assistant.
it pays well so that's cool.

Brandon and I are getting along great.


It seems like everything is falling into place. That makes me very nervous. It's not perfect here, there are a lot of things that are stressful but it's right.


it really truly is.
i think i finally found home.



ANYWAY.

Liz is coming to visit us this weekend. SO excited. We're gonna tear up the town! Trouble Tour 2008! haha Brandon's going to be staying the whole weekend too so it'll be a full house here... and we only have one bathroom... ohhhh boyyyy
I'm thinking, party friday night, Santa Monica/Beach saturday, Jeremy's show and more party saturday night, SLEEPING sunday haha

sounds great to me.

the weather here is BEAUTIFUL. Brandon and I went to Long Beach on Saturday and just walked forever. it was PERFECT. seriously. Then we built a fort in his living room. haha yeah. we're 5

well. that's all.
i leave you now with pictures.

i said from the start

that you could take it or leave it


i'd prefer that you keep it














so we're here


still no home of our own but it's in the works (cross your fingers for us... we're dying for our own place)








i've been kinda sad. i miss home and a lot of people in it, but i can feel great things are coming from all of this.


i'm still randomly excited.


go figure, i confuse even myself.








Sig and Mike are coming to visit us soon. I'm pretty excited about that....





ok really excited. i love those guys.





the drive was long. it took us 9 hours to get here. between accidents on the freeway (and the 5 being shut down in stockton for an hour and a half), driving through rain, no visability over the grapevine and jackass drivers, i'm surprised we made it at all.








but it was nice to have some time to myself to just think. Yes I drove by myself, no it is not the first time.





and there were random moments of beauty too.

not going to lie..... it's been raining on and off since we got here. Although it is still in the 60's during the day.

i would still appreciate some solid sunshine.

we went on a picnic yesterday. it was fun.

i guess that's all.

my anxiety is killing me

this sucks




i'm leaving for la in 5 days


i'm excited
and finally getting kind of scared




i think that's normal.... right?

it's time to get out of the desert and into the sun, even if it's alone.

as tough as i try to be, i only have so long before i break down.
that break down happened between the hours of 3am and 6am last night
i have never been more afraid in my entire life
but i'm still moving.
even if its alone.

i don't ever remember feeling this way about anyone.

was loosing all my friends
was loosing them to drinking and to driving
was loosing all my friends, but i got them back

i am on the mend.
at least now i can say that i am trying
and i hope you will forget things i still lack.

yeah. yeah.

is it in you now,
to bear to hear the truth that you have spoken?
twisted up by knaves,
to make a trap for fools.

is it in you now,
to watch the things you gave your life to broken?
and stoop and build them up with warn out tools.

yeah. yeah.
yeah, yeah. (oh)
yeah.

nothing gets so bad,
a whisper from your father couldn't fix it.
your whisper's like a bridge, he's a river span.

take all that you have,
and turn it into something you were missing.
somebody threw that brick, shattered all your plans.

yeah. yeah.
yeah, yeah. (oh)
yeah.

time to get the seeds into the cold ground.
it takes a while to grow anything,
before it's coming to an end, yeah.

before your put my body in the cold ground,
take some time to warm it with your hand,
before it's coming to an end, yeah.

before it's coming to an end, yeah.
before it's coming to an end, yeah.

do you miss the blend,
colors she left in your black and white field?
do you feel condemned just by being there?

i am not your friend.
i am just a man who knows how to feel.

i am not your friend.
i'm not your lover.
i'm not your family.

yeah. yeah..
yeah, yeah. (oh.)
yeah.

time to get the seeds into the cold ground.
it takes a while to grow anything
before it's coming to an end now.



i will spend the rest of my days missing you.

i didn't mean to be away this long

my bad.


i'm moving sometime next month. making the jump to los angeles.
i'm excited.
it's time for me to get away from this place.


2008
i can't wait.



"it's a good year to be 26"

Are you dead or are you sleeping?

god, i sure hope you are dead

i was supposed to start my new job on monday, but then i got the flu and that messed it all up. they seem chill with it except i'm waiting for them to call me back today... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr............

anyway, here's hoping i still have a job, i'm getting antsy to start working again. whatever, at least i got to finish nip/tuck season 4

haaaaaaaaaaaa

i want to go back to la.

being here makes me uncomfortable. it's weird, i know. i don't even really get it either.

i'm going to go clean up the disaster that is my room and be bored out of my fucking mind.
yeah... awesome.