i said from the start

that you could take it or leave it


i'd prefer that you keep it














so we're here


still no home of our own but it's in the works (cross your fingers for us... we're dying for our own place)








i've been kinda sad. i miss home and a lot of people in it, but i can feel great things are coming from all of this.


i'm still randomly excited.


go figure, i confuse even myself.








Sig and Mike are coming to visit us soon. I'm pretty excited about that....





ok really excited. i love those guys.





the drive was long. it took us 9 hours to get here. between accidents on the freeway (and the 5 being shut down in stockton for an hour and a half), driving through rain, no visability over the grapevine and jackass drivers, i'm surprised we made it at all.








but it was nice to have some time to myself to just think. Yes I drove by myself, no it is not the first time.





and there were random moments of beauty too.

not going to lie..... it's been raining on and off since we got here. Although it is still in the 60's during the day.

i would still appreciate some solid sunshine.

we went on a picnic yesterday. it was fun.

i guess that's all.

my anxiety is killing me

this sucks




i'm leaving for la in 5 days


i'm excited
and finally getting kind of scared




i think that's normal.... right?

it's time to get out of the desert and into the sun, even if it's alone.

as tough as i try to be, i only have so long before i break down.
that break down happened between the hours of 3am and 6am last night
i have never been more afraid in my entire life
but i'm still moving.
even if its alone.

i don't ever remember feeling this way about anyone.

was loosing all my friends
was loosing them to drinking and to driving
was loosing all my friends, but i got them back

i am on the mend.
at least now i can say that i am trying
and i hope you will forget things i still lack.

yeah. yeah.

is it in you now,
to bear to hear the truth that you have spoken?
twisted up by knaves,
to make a trap for fools.

is it in you now,
to watch the things you gave your life to broken?
and stoop and build them up with warn out tools.

yeah. yeah.
yeah, yeah. (oh)
yeah.

nothing gets so bad,
a whisper from your father couldn't fix it.
your whisper's like a bridge, he's a river span.

take all that you have,
and turn it into something you were missing.
somebody threw that brick, shattered all your plans.

yeah. yeah.
yeah, yeah. (oh)
yeah.

time to get the seeds into the cold ground.
it takes a while to grow anything,
before it's coming to an end, yeah.

before your put my body in the cold ground,
take some time to warm it with your hand,
before it's coming to an end, yeah.

before it's coming to an end, yeah.
before it's coming to an end, yeah.

do you miss the blend,
colors she left in your black and white field?
do you feel condemned just by being there?

i am not your friend.
i am just a man who knows how to feel.

i am not your friend.
i'm not your lover.
i'm not your family.

yeah. yeah..
yeah, yeah. (oh.)
yeah.

time to get the seeds into the cold ground.
it takes a while to grow anything
before it's coming to an end now.



i will spend the rest of my days missing you.

i didn't mean to be away this long

my bad.


i'm moving sometime next month. making the jump to los angeles.
i'm excited.
it's time for me to get away from this place.


2008
i can't wait.



"it's a good year to be 26"

Are you dead or are you sleeping?

god, i sure hope you are dead

i was supposed to start my new job on monday, but then i got the flu and that messed it all up. they seem chill with it except i'm waiting for them to call me back today... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr............

anyway, here's hoping i still have a job, i'm getting antsy to start working again. whatever, at least i got to finish nip/tuck season 4

haaaaaaaaaaaa

i want to go back to la.

being here makes me uncomfortable. it's weird, i know. i don't even really get it either.

i'm going to go clean up the disaster that is my room and be bored out of my fucking mind.
yeah... awesome.

Livejournal is so overrated

I wonder how long it will take me to get bored with this... I saw Nicole signed up for a blog here so I thought "hey, might as well
.

hey..... might as well.


i came home from sunny socal last night. justine and i went on a little weekend getaway. it was nice. my time with brandon is valuable and any moment i get to spend with him is great. i should have pictures from the get away up on my myspace with the next couple of days.

socal was awesome, but it invoked a lot of thought. i'm ready to leave sacramento, well emotional ready. which is huge for me because i'm seriously considering leaving my home behind. this isn't going to happen immediately, i'm think more like late spring, early summer, but it is something i'm serious about.

the main thing holding me back is my career with the music industry. i would love to be able to move and still book shows here. ya know, let someone else run them, but no one is helping. i tried to launch 26 productions this summer and i had a few people on board willing to work and help and get it going.... it's been 2 months and only one of them is still doing their job. thanks troy.

honestly, i'm about to just get out of it. let everyone try to figure it out on their own, or scrap the ones i have working for me and start over with a new team.

yeah maybe i'll do that.

or maybe i'll give them all one more chance.


anyway, horse the band show tonight with justine. we're going to say hi to thriller. then it's off to relax and go to sleep early. i start my new job tomorrow.

oh yeah, i got the job at placer chiropractic. I'm going to be doing marketing and public relations. i hope i'm good at it. i'm a little nervous about the whole thing to be completely honest.

dear god, i just need the money.